As you can imagine and have probably experienced for yourself, child sexual abuse is a difficult subject for most adults to talk about. So, adoption of new access limits, boundaries, and responses are not likely to happen unless you tie these new behaviors into your existing routine in ways that provide opportunities to embrace the new plan.
 

In Best Practice #4, we are asking you and the adults who surround your children (accountability team) to "engage" in the assessment process. There is great power in understanding our vision if you look at the various definitions of the word engage, paying special attention to the terms influence, power, interlock, pledge, guarantee, battle and come together.

 
Definition of ENGAGE(7)

Transitive verb
1. to offer (as one's word) as security for a debt or cause
2. a: to entangle or entrap in or as if in a snare or bog (obsolete)
b: to attract and hold by influence or power
c: to interlock with : mesh; also : to cause (mechanical parts) to mesh
3. to bind (as oneself) to do something; especially : to bind by a pledge to marry
4. a: to provide occupation for : involve
b: to arrange to obtain the use or services of : hire
5. a: to hold the attention of : engross
b: to induce to participate
6. a: to enter into contest or battle with
b: to bring together or interlock (weapons)
7. to deal with especially at length

Intransitive verb
1. a: to pledge oneself : promise
b: to make a guarantee
2. a: to begin and carry on an enterprise or activity —used with in
b: to do or take part in something —used with in
c: to give attention to something : deal
3. to enter into conflict or battle
4. to come together and interlock

Note the key terms in the title of Best Practice #4 - "regularly" and "actively." It's not enough to just be aware that sexual abuse happens, it's crucial that we create a process that challenges us to be present and active in the assessment. Over time it will become habit and eventually become engrained in your every day unconscious thought process.

 
Creating an environment where the assessment process is part of your routine should include the following steps:
  • Establish a set time each month when you complete your assessment process tied with some other existing event (receiving your paycheck, paying your rent or mortgage, etc.)
  • Retrieve and complete your
  • Ask for feedback from other adults on your child's accountability team
  • Have your children complete a Stop Light Assessment of the adults and children in their lives. This is a simple graphical interface that does not require children to knowor be able to use words to ask for help. TAALK has created a refrigerator magnet as a tool but you can use the concept Go-Caution-Stop just in conversation as well. (See magnet image below and .)
  • Discuss any concerning result of the assessment with members of your accountability team and be prepared to take appropriate action
 
 
Remember that child sexual abuse is predictable because it is typically preceded by known grooming behaviors. The boundaries identified in Best Practice #3 have been specifically designed to interrupt these grooming behaviors. This regular and active assessment process empowers you to identify grooming behaviors and broken boundaries so you recognize danger and can intercede long before a predator attempts to molest your child. It's an early warning process that is crucial to the protection of your children.